Some days when I wake
Sadness walks by
leaving a trail of tears.
Her best friend
follows behind
gathering the tears.
They make a pair,
the one who weeps,
the one who waits
as long as it takes.
As long as it takes.
I have been training myself to be that best friend…to turn toward my difficulties instead of away. It hasn’t been easy. My preference has been to run away. To distract myself. And as technology has added more and more places to escape to, I have indulged myself more and more.
What turned the corner for me was my discovery of Mark Epstein who explains the work of British pediatrician and child analyst D.W. Winnicott from a Buddhist perspective. In his book “The Trauma of Everyday Life”, he has this to say:
“In Winnicott’s language, the therapist creates a holding environment, a field of awareness, that mimics that of the early parent-infant bond. It does not duplicate it, but it is close enough that a sense of safety is re-established and ones defenses are allowed to relax. In the Buddha’s experience, the relational aspects of Winnicott’s therapy were collapsed into meditation. In this case, the capacity to make the mind into an object of mindfulness, to know the mind knowing, created a holding environment for the entire range of his emotional experience.”
It was the idea of meditation as a holding environment that intrigued me. I had never been successful at sustaining a meditation practice. But as I began with this idea of holding myself in meditation, the experience shifted from a “should do” into a “want to”.
Meditation didn’t remove the temptation to escape. Rather it offered an attunement that fostered an awareness of when I was “going away” and gave me a choice point: do I want this (distraction) or this (holding)? Little by little, I strengthened my choice to stay.
It’s a practice, not perfection. As I have mentioned before, I am not totally immune to the distraction of shiny things. I still go down internet rabbit holes, scroll into oblivion on Pinterest, and monitor my smartphone more than I need to. But I am conscious of what I am doing which leads me more and more to companioning the self when I need it…as long as it takes
Stella Sunday Afternoons 
Beautiful, Jeanne! Happy holiday season to you… Francy ♥️
Thanks Francy! I hope all is well with you ❤️
Jeanne
I have dipped in and out of meditation practice for many years. For the past few months it has become rewarding again, maybe as a result of starting to volunteer with Hospice, and also of choosing to have a lot more solitude, finding it to be nurturing and grounding. On the Hospice reading list is The Five Invitations, by Frank Ostaseski. I’m in the middle of it, finding it, and him, to be wise and helpful.
Joe
j
Hi Joe. Id love to hear more about your hospice work. And thanks for the mention of The Five Invitations…sounds intriguing. I’m on my second read through of Oliver Burkeman’s Meditations for Mortals and finding it simple yet brilliant.
Jeanne